1. Emery’s Deadtime Clock

    By Orren Tench, Circa 1981

    Twas the night before closing
    And all through the shop
    Not a system was showing
    They were all on the dock

    NIMs and detectors
    And MCAs too
    Some had been tested
    But only a few

    The chief he had called
    For a big shipping quarter
    ‘Cause he had made promises
    That he hadn’t oughter

    The troops had been warned
    To ship lots and fast
    Surely a failing
    Would cost someone his …job

    Mckernan and Compo
    Were now off the hook
    The backlog was bulging
    No mind what it took

    They sold them and stole them
    They gave them away
    The discounts they equaled
    The orders one day

    Serrano had hired
    Every man he could find
    The payroll kept climbing
    Yet we’re further behind

    Space was a problem
    ‘Till jones came around
    He soon had an option on
    Every building in town

    Daniels was anxious
    Needless to say
    His appetite waning
    Down to four meals a day

    Tench was complaining
    ‘Bout the lack of germanium
    Whatever would he have to say
    If ever that problem went away

    Waehner was so worried
    He was weak in the knees
    He thought he might lose
    His Oldsmobile keys

    Invoices were typed
    And totaled and tallied
    The computer crunched on
    The bean counters rallied

    The chief called in Kane
    But Kane wasn’t able
    To bring forth good news
    To the conference room table

    No matter the lab
    Which Smith kept in black
    No matter twice counting
    The stock front and back

    No managing of assets
    Or cutting of fat
    Can alter the outcome
    The profits are flat

    Now the chief has promised
    The board to a man
    Results in the form
    Of a five-year plan

    With sales growth compounded
    And profits clear
    At percentage rates
    Of twenty per year

    The chief then recalled an
     MCA feature sublime
    The dead time clock
    That corrects for lost time

    This triggered a plan
    In the mind of the chief
    If the year didn’t end
    ‘Twould save lots of grief

    The concept’s not new
    As he planted the seeds
    Dead time correction’s
    What this company needs

    Dead time correction
    About three months worth
    Will smooth out the glitch
    To a new year give birth

    Now ’81, ‘82
    And ’83 All
    May end anytime
    ‘Tween Winter and Fall

    Canberra will never
    Again be in hock
    So long as the chief
    Has his dead time clock